Just Be Yourself

Recently, a speaker at a conference urged the leaders in the room to summon the courage to embrace authenticity. Her words resonated deeply with the audience, reflecting the struggles many heads of school have faced amid relentless crises, where outrage and fear drown out civility and compromise. The tension between what needs to be said—staying true to oneself—and what the loudest voices want to hear is real and can be paralyzing. 

The phrase "Just be yourself" was a familiar refrain from my childhood, often coming from my mother as she sought to bolster my confidence in unfamiliar situations. Ironically, adolescence rendered this advice seemingly impossible to follow. Like many, I experienced those formative years as a maze of uncertainty, where self-discovery felt like an elusive goal. Middle and high school became stages for joining different social circles—from the cool kids to the nerdy, the athletic to the rebellious—yet just being myself remained a challenge.

Fortunately, I gradually found a group of close friends who provided pockets of comfort. Before I fully unearthed my own identity, I became acutely aware of who I wasn't. Coolness eluded me, and straying too far from the rules proved daunting; instead, I gravitated towards academic pursuits, embraced earnestness, and clung to optimism—a trait my mother passed down to me.

Amidst today’s ceaseless clamor of social media and divisive politics, I worry about the dwindling space for students to embark on their journeys of self-discovery. Where do they find the courage to develop their authenticity and sense of themselves? Are we giving them enough space to stumble—and do we recognize the importance of their response as the true marker for how they see themselves and who they are? Looking back, I understand how important it was for me to wrestle with my mother’s words and allow the adventures and the mishaps to shape me. Growing up is messy, and it should be.